Joke of the day

[Deepbluegxp]

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[SlySter]

A new moderator is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. He looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, he happened to see another new moderator on the opposite river bank. He tried calling to him.

"How can I get to the other side of the river?" He shouts loudly.

The other new moderator replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

[drawee]

Deep...

Thanks for the laughs!!!

[Deepbluegxp]

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[drawee]

Originally Posted by Deepbluegxp

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, 'When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.'

The lady from the South commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman continued, 'When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.'

Again, the lady from the South commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman continued boasting, 'Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.'

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, 'Well, isn't that precious?'

The first woman then asked her companion, 'What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?'

My husband sent me to charm school,' declared the Southern lady.

'Charm school?' the first woman cried, 'Oh my God! What on earth for?'

The Southern lady responded, 'Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious?

Funny Stuff Deep!

[Deepbluegxp]

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[Deepbluegxp]

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[JPM]

FEMALE PRAYER:

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart & strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back & begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend.

Amen.

MALE PRAYER:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge breasts who owns a liquor store & a boat.

Amen

[JPM]

Three female co-workers notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and goes to bed early. The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date. The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house. The next day, the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "No way! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

[Deepwater805]

Two hayseeds are walking through a field of tall grass when they come across an old abandoned well. Looking down the open hole in the ground they wondered how deep it was. So they decided to throw something down the well, and listen for a splash. They threw a few rocks down the hole, but couldn't hear anything. They then decided to find something bigger. After a few minutes looking they found an old rusted up transmission, so they drug the transmission over to the well, and chucked it in. All of a sudden they heard a God awful noise behind them, and turned around just in time to see a wild eyed billygoat charging them. Reacting instinctively they jumped out of the way just in the nick of time. The wild eyed billygoat charged right down the well, and they heard two splashes. Very proud of themselves for outsmarting that crazy billygoat, they walked away congratulating themselves, when an old farmer on a tractor drove up, and asked if they had seen a billygoat anywhere around there.
"Why we sure did." Replied one of the hayseeds. "Why he charged us, and when we jumped out of the way he fell down that there hole in the ground."
"That's impossible" replied the farmer, "It couldn't have happened."
The other hayseed piped up and asked: "Now why is that so impossible? Cause it happened just the way we told you."
The farmer then replied: "Cause I had him chained to a transmission."